Insecurities

Being a teenager, it’s already hard to accept your body the way it is. But when it feels like your body is “deformed”, it’s even harder. Looking in the mirror everyday and seeing pictures of yourself in a bathing suit is even more of a challenge when you don’t look “normal”.

Living in today’s world, it’s almost impossible to not compare yourself to others. I always wanted that tiny waist, but when ever I would lift up my shirt to look at my stomach, all I could see was how my ribs were at different levels and the slope of my waistline was asymmetrical.

I’m a swimmer and waterpolo player, which means I spend most days in a swimsuit. I remember one water polo practice about midway through the season. I had found out about my surgery about 2 months prior and it was all I could think about. My back was really sensitive during that time as well, so I would frequently get out of the pool to stretch my back. I was talking with my head coach, and she was telling me how she didn’t even notice my curve. Well, that was the goal. Everyday I tightened my abs to a certain point where my spine looked basically straight. I told her “watch this” and let out my stomach. My hips and shoulders completely shifted, and my 50 degree curve was very apparent. She gasped and laughed and called the assistant coach over to show her what I just did.

From then on I thought of my scoliosis as a party trick, something that was really unfortunate to me could bring a smile to someone else.

And honestly, people may not even notice. Granted, I had a 50 degree curve, so it wasn’t that extreme, but people didn’t even know I had scoliosis until I told them.

It takes time to accept, but you are a person with a curve, not a curve with a person.