Dealing with Parents

Everytime I went to the doctor with my parents they would always use words like “we” or “our” when talking about my surgery.

It’s not our back, we aren’t going through a 7 hour surgery together. I found it frustrating when my parents would try to insert themselves into my scoliosis problems. This process was something so personal and there are so many things people don’t understand.

It made me feel uncomfortable in doctors appointments when they would talk more than me at my appointments, or when they would make jokes with my doctor. I wish I could have felt like those appointments were more like a conversation between me and my doctor, and not like a conversation between them and a friend.

And I sympathize with what they were going through, don’t get me wrong. Sending your 16 year old daughter into an incredibly invasive surgery or making her sleep in a back brace for a year has to be so scary. They just wanted to make sure they were doing everything correctly and taking care of me, and for that I am so grateful.

Sometimes they would talk about what I went through to other people while I was standing right there, “we have Kate’s surgery on Tuesday.” Nope, “Kate has her surgery on Tuesday”. No one else is getting their entire back cut open. Just me.

It was kind of funny in the hospital though. My parents were so anxious and high strung that my nurse asked me how long they have been divorced for. They aren’t divorced. I understand how hard it must be to see your child in such a feeble, vulnerable, helpless state, but I just wish it was more focused around my worries and not theirs sometimes.

This surgery was so much more emotional than I thought it was going to be too, (I will go more into that in another post) so when I felt like I was being pushed too hard or rushed through my recovery, I completely lost it. The combination of frustration and drugs was messy and made me feel even more helpless than I already was. So whenever I felt like my parents were overstepping or not giving me enough attention, I took it really personally.

Another funny story was my parents were sitting in my room eating lunch or something and I texted my boyfriend a picture of them and told him I felt ignored. He responded by saying “What do you want them to do” and I said, “Feel bad for me”. My emotions were obviously haywire, but don’t feel bad if yours are too. This is an extremely hard situation and its awful feeling ignored or pushed or pitied or whatever you may feel. All of your emotions are valid and you do not need to explain any of them. The surgery can speak for itself.

So just remember this: it’s ok to be annoyed with your parents, they don’t know what you’re going through, but they’re trying to help. They don’t know what to do and they wish they did. So communicate. Before the surgery tell them that you may get frustrated and emotional and that they shouldn’t be afraid. This is your surgery, not theirs.